In a long line of embarrassing query attempts that make the rest of us writers want to hunt down and beat the guilty party (bit harsh, maybe? meh), here is the latest tale of horror and woe that befalls the slush pile.
Working alongside Jenny Rappaport, this agent had a disturbing run-in with someone who A. Never took off their capslock, and B. Tried for emotional blackmail with the death of a close relative. That’s just wrong, folks.
Read the whole exchange in this post:
http://jmeadows.livejournal.com/643066.html
Here’s a taste for those not yet brave enough to click the link:
Him:
I HAVE NOVELS BETTER THAN HARRY POTTER, I LOST EVERYTHING I OWNED BECAUSE OF A LIE. MY WRITING IS GREAT IF YOU HAVE IMAGINATION. GUIDELINES ARE FOR THE UNCREATIVE. MY NOVELS ARE SCI-FI-FANTASY-COPING. IF YOU ARE A REAL AGENT YOU CAN GET ME THE BOOK DEAL I WANT.
I HAVE NOVELS BETTER THAN HARRY POTTER, I LOST EVERYTHING I OWNED BECAUSE OF A LIE. MY WRITING IS GREAT IF YOU HAVE IMAGINATION. GUIDELINES ARE FOR THE UNCREATIVE. MY NOVELS ARE SCI-FI-FANTASY-COPING. IF YOU ARE A REAL AGENT YOU CAN GET ME THE BOOK DEAL I WANT.
So…not that I think any of the intelligent, emotionally stable and certifiably not-insane folks that I usually interact with are going to pull this kind of stunt on an agent, but I just felt it was necessary to post this as a warning. Kind of like sticking the conquered enemy’s head on a pike outside your castle gate, yaknow? Never done that? Come on. You know you have.
Oh, and Happy New Year, everyone!
I see that smile.
Kind of like sticking the conquered enemy’s head on a pike outside your castle gate, yaknow?
Hee! That’s exactly what it’s for. When agents post these things, it’s to help writers learn not to query that way–because no one sane ever does. It’s very a much a case of:
*bloody thunk*
“See what happened to this guy? Don’t be this guy. I can defend myself.”
D’oh. There’s a very important “not” missing from one of my sentences.
it’s not to help writers learn not to query that way