I just realized the 22nd of October was the official one-year anniversary of this blog. I knew it was coming up, but then skipped over it entirely. How’s that for perceptive?
I started this blog around the same time I got my first agent. I had the hopes that this meant I would sell that particular manuscript and wanted to have something of an online presence in the event of getting published. Around the same time, several of my short stories had sold, so that gave me something to work on as well. Then about 9 months went by, with various editor rejections of the manuscript, and eventually, in late spring, my agent (who was helpful, professional and encouraging to the end) left the agency for personal reasons and I started over on the publishing hunt. But the blog and website continue, and have proven a lot of fun. Plus it has been great to interact with everyone, share in the adventure and keep each other smiling, wherever we are in our writing endeavors.
I feel like I should do something to celebrate. Unfortunately, I don’t yet have a book to give away or anything, so how about we revel in some writing humor instead? Some jokes were shared in yesterday’s comments, and I decided to look up other writing and publishing-related jokes and found some of the following:
A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside.
“What happened, honey?” the man asks.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is–”
“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”
And here we have some twists on a classic:
How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.
How many publishers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Why does it *have* to be changed?
How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!
And lastly:
Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: the publisher who prints everything you write, an agent, or Santa Claus?
A. The agent. The other two indicate you are hallucinating.
Help celebrate the belated anniversary by adding any variety of jokes, writing-related or not, in the comments. Hopefully in another year, we’ll still be around, celebrating our various publishing breakthroughs.
I see that smile.
I like them very much. To let you know, I try to read but often times have to catch up. Thanks for posting!
~Always~
Congratulations on your one year! My favorite was the cover writer joke.
Josh, I just have to ask…what do you think about JK Rowling coming out that Dumbledore is gay? Really, I couldn’t care less about Harry Potter and JK Rowling, but as an author, where does it put the author’s authority and the reader’s authority? In seven huge books, nobody saw Dumbldore’s outing coming but she considered it natural. And then I found this article from the Dallas News and I found his quote interesting, “You lived with Harry, his friends and his foes for so many years. You birthed them, shaped them, honed the fine details of their existence. And you thought long and hard about exactly which of those details were so important to the story that you would include them in the books.
For all of those years, until those books were published, the characters and settings were yours to command and control. But then you let them go.
And speaking for all of your happy readers I need to tell you: Now they are ours.”
As an author of science fiction and fantasy, how do you feel about giving the characters over? Or do you think they stay yours forever?
I must admit, I’ve never read Harry Potter. Maybe I will someday, but it didn’t seem to me that this “outing” affects the story at all.
As far as possession of characters, that’s a tricky line to walk. In the end, I believe it is the author’s right to do with the characters and story as they wish. They are the author’s creations, no matter how closely the readers may identify with them or feel entitled to certain endings or backgrounds.
There is certainly a lot of background and secrets that authors will develop but never fit into the story itself. I’ve run across that myself in writing. It’s natural to want to include all the juicy bits somehow, and so it didn’t surprise me that there were facts that Rowling would reveal after it was all over. Maybe she feels free to let loose with all the stuff that she’s kept pent up through the years, and she’s enjoying being able to say whatever she wants and not spoil the ending.
I think that once an author creates such a huge relationship with an audience, they may take some reader concerns and feelings into consideration. But in the end, it boils down to their decision and the legacy the author wants the story to leave behind. The readers are along for the ride, not behind the wheel.
Josh: Belated congrats on the one-year milestone. I’ve mentioned before that you have a great blog here and should keep up the good work.
Re the Dumbledore-is-gay thing, I know it’s easy to be cynical, but I wonder what the relevance of “revealing” this fact really is, apart from grabbing some semi-controversial headlines just as the books drop off the best-seller lists. She had seven books, and if the fact wasn’t relevant then, why is it now? I think this must take the biscuit as the most pointless “news” story of the year…
Anyway, back to the jokes. And in the spirit of interactivity, you can choose the ending!
A writer (me) has struggled to write his book. He has gone through innumerable agent rejections (well, 42). Finally he got off the slush pile and for the last year has been accepting stoically lots of publisher rejections.
Then, one day, he is at work talking to a colleague who, out of the blue, announces that he has just finished the first draft of a science fiction novel. The writer wants to take the colleague under his wing and help him through the years of struggling that lie ahead, at which the colleague replies: “Oh, that won’t be necessary because my best friend is Zadie Smith’s husband, and he’s said he’ll put in a good word for my book.”
Does the writer:
a) throw the colleague out of the window (we’re on the 34th floor)?
b) throw himself out of the window?
or
c) burst into tears screaming “It’s not fair” until there is a rip in the space/time continuum that sends the writer to an alternative reality where the writer is best friends with Zadie’s husband?
Answers on a postcard please!
Actually, I’d say the most pointless headlines of the past year are any having to do with Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, but let’s not talk about them beyond that.
As for optional endings…er…
I’d say the writer could use his now-established networking connections to switch out the manuscripts so his story will obviously be seen as the higher quality choice.
And, if all else fails, hold said coworker for hostage until the publishers accede to all demands. It’s a rough business. Every writer knows they could be held for ransom at any time; it’s a risk we all take. Though option C could be entertaining, so long as it’s caught on video.
Urg, option c happened and is ongoing – no rip in the continuum as yet… 🙁
Happy 1st Anniversary!!!! You’ve done well with the blog–and acquiring an agent (again) is near. (Gotta’ be positive!) It’s all part of your story.
Okay–this is for Chris:
Defenestration: from the Latin de (from; out of) and fenestra (window or opening), is the act of throwing someone or something out of a window. The term was coined around the time of an incident in Prague Castle in the year of 1618.[1]
In the book of 2 Kings in the Bible, Jezebel is defenestrated by her own servants at the urging of Jehu.
I vote for defenestrating the coworker!!!
Okay, these aren’t jokes, but what else would you expect from a journalist?
Best Newspaper Headlines of 1998
1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
7. Would-be Women Priests Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Line
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Large Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Dang. I missed your anni. FELICIDADES, bro!
And may you make us smile for many more years.
Mir