I’ve seen the article where someone figures out all the physics behind Santa delivering presents across the world in one night, but this new model offers a more business/manufacturing perspective. And it looks like someone got a hold of Santa’s day planner as well.
Unwrapping the Miraculous Logistics Behind Operation Christmas
So, Santa is replacing Big Brother? That “knows when you’ve been sleeping” bit has always creeped me out a little. The “Funding” portion is nicely ironic. In fact, for all the conspiracy theorists out there, isn’t the whole Santa coming into our homes, monitoring our every action and dispensing rewards or punishment a little…Orwellian? And we’re teaching kids to enjoy this kind of system hanging over their heads?
Next thing you know, Santa is going to become the spokesperson for government-produced personal GPS trackers and microchip implants.
Ho ho ho.
I see that smile.
You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why,
Santa Claus is tapping your phone.
He’s bugging your room,
And reading your mail,
He’s keeping a file
And running a tail
Santa Claus is tapping your phone.
He hears you in the bedroom
Surveills you out of doors
And if that doesn’t get the goods
Then he’ll use provocateurs.
So, you mustn’t assume
That you are secure
On Christmas Eve
He’ll kick in your door
Santa Claus is tapping your phone.
(The urban legend attached to this song is that it was sung at a US Department of Defence party during the Carter administration.)
Oh yes. Spread the Christmas cheer! And by cheer, I mean paranoia.
Those stars on top of the trees? Radio transmitters. Ornaments? Hidden cameras.
Candy canes? Hallucinogenic drugs to keep everyone subdued.