Guilt [gilt] -noun
Sometimes guilt hits me while I’m sitting and working on a scene. Guilt that I’m not outside working on my farmer’s tan instead. Guilt that I’m ignoring friends and family for the sake of fictional characters, or that the dog is sitting by the door with a longing look, tennis ball and leash by her paws. (dogs really do know how to lay on the guilt trips, don’t they?)
This sense of guilt increases as I consider the chores I could be doing, the emails I haven’t caught up on, the lawn which needs mowing, a nifty television series I haven’t watched in a few months…even books I want to read and review.
But you know what? I love to write. I love thinking about writing. It’s in mah bones, you might say. I love the process of creating these worlds and characters, of discovering new forms of magic and figuring out the villain’s motivation and why he stole another character’s birthday cake (the fiend!). And while it’s work–sometimes hard, hard work–it’s fulfilling and a joy to write.
So why the guilt? Should I feel guilty? Obviously there has to be some sort of balance, what with the whole needing to eat and bathe and socialize (not necessarily in that order). To take trips and hike with my wife and dog and remember that there’s life beyond the blank page. I think part of it comes from my mind saying, “Why are you wasting your time with this? You’ll never be good enough to make this worthwhile. You’d be better off becoming a monk or doing something involving orphans or cleaning up oil spills.” Guilt and doubt often go hand-in-hand.
But if it’s what I love and want to build a career out of, then no. Guilt has no place there. Guilt is just another roadblock I have to overcome in order to see the story through. It’s a distraction, one of the deadliest banes of writers.
Do you ever suffer from guilt while writing? Where do you think it comes from? Do you ignore it? Banish it to some nether region filled with bitter winds and hungry monsters?
My guilt comes in the just-under-five-feet, approximately 9 1/2 years old size. The one that says (and I quote): You sit in front of the computer an awful lot.
But said guilt is also the reason I get up and walk away from the computer. (See, I'm not there all day!)
It's a balance: real life versus writing life.
Both are good.
Substitute “wife” for “husband”, and I feel like I could have written this post.
But I love your conclusion. This is what I do. This is who I am. So you're absolutely right: guilt ultimately has no place in this writer's life.
I didn't realize guilt came in so many different physical manifestations.