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Guest Post! – The Secret to Teleportation

For years, I’ve been trying to teach myself to teleport. I’ve tried reading books, watching YouTube videos, doing exhaustive amounts of online research, and sitting in my house REALLY wishing I was on a beach in Hawaii instead of getting ready for work. None of these methods proved to be particularly effective in helping me get to Waikiki Beach Resort & Spa; that is – until I discovered the secret I’m about to share with you. Are you ready to make your every travel dream come true?

Flex your index finger.

That’s right folks, it really is that easy. All you have to do is…no, no, no. I see you out there in internet land. It isn’t going to work if you do it like THAT. That’s the come-hither motion. You don’t want people to come to you. You want to go the beach.

Now here, like this. Flex that finger vertically. That’s right – up and down. Gently now. Go halfway down for a second and then all the way down for just 1/200th of a second. How do you measure 1/200th of a second? Well, you don’t silly. It’s too fast. You let the camera do that for you.

Camera? Well of course there’s a camera involved. I told you I was getting ready for work. I’m a photographer. I never said the ONLY thing you had to do was flex your index finger. I also never said I made it to Hawaii. You really do have to learn to read the fine print.

I’m traveling vicariously through Josh Vogt. He takes me everywhere goes. In fact, he had me in Indianapolis just recently. I spent all weekend greeting visitors at Indiana Comic Con – or least, the picture I took of him did.

That’s right – I’m Josh’s headshot photographer and he put the picture I took of him on the banner that he takes to all the conventions he visits. You should see the list of places he’s gone. Pensacola? Check. Seattle? That trip was a doozy. Salt Lake City? It was a party up in that joint.

And he’s so pleasant to be around. Everywhere he goes he’s all smiles. Just look!

I really couldn’t ask for a better travel companion. And I’ll tell you another secret – he’ll fit in your luggage if you want to experience traveling with him for yourself.

Just pick up a copy of Enter the Janitor, The Maids of Wrath, or The Dustpan Cometh and you can take him with you everywhere you go. Well, his stories at least. Wow, that fine print really gets you every time, doesn’t it?

But there’s no trick here. You can meet Josh in person and have him sign one of those books coming up at any of his 2017 appearances:

Guess I’d better get back to work. Plane tickets to Hawaii are so expensive and they always end up charging me extra because my baggage is overweight. Maybe I should leave some of these books home. Naw. On second thought, Josh has taken me so many places I think I owe it to him to return the favor when I finally do get to take my dream vacation.

Lauren Lang is a freelance photographer, videographer, and owner of Jacobin Photography, a Denver, CO based company that specializes in professional headshots. In her spare time, she crochets hats for stuffed animals, gardens with the intent of taking pictures of the flowers should they live, and terrorizes local residents while running through area parks screaming, “Birds!”. You can find more of her work at:

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